Victim to Victor | Keith Hanks

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:00:00

Hi, everybody, it's Deana with The Realized Foundation. And today I'm here with Keith Hanks, who is in Massachusetts, and I'm in Colorado. But we're having a very important conversation today about Keith and his journey. And I'm going to let him tell you a little bit about himself. But he's a career retired first responder, and he has a lot of story to tell. So welcome, Keith.

Keith Hanks: 00:00:30

Hi, Deana. Thank you. Glad to be here. So yeah, like Dina said, I was a firefighter and EMT for 21 years in Massachusetts. And I, it was a family tradition thing I kind of was born and raised in it, along with the military. And I love the job I did. It's from when I was 18. For again, 21 years after that, so I got in young, it was kind of all I know, and that you know jobbing. What it is, which is full of a lot of trauma, we see a lot of bad things over and over and over again, gave me gave me quite a bit of images, you know, a lot of a lot of good and bad memories, not all bad. But coupled with my childhood abuse, and then personal loss and trauma. Throughout the years of my adult years, I ended up developing Compaq Complex PTSD. And with that a few other diagnoses that go along with with trauma. And so in 2017, I left the job, which was very hard. And I sort of lost my identity, because at 18, I was sort of given it. So I kind of got on this journey of advocating for mental health specifically in the first responder world because it's so under talked about, or talked about raw sometimes in some areas. Suicide rates are really high, I lost a few friends, I had had my own attempts. I've had six suicide attempts in my own life. And I knew something needed to be done. So I started talking about it started doing social media stuff before he knew it. I was I was speaking around the country and doing podcasts, you know, as far as way as Australia, got involved with some documentaries. And that's kind of what I do these days, as I just tried to break down the stigma because it's such an important topics, I think it's something we all can find a common ground with at some level, whether it's we know someone who suffers from it, or a family member or ourselves at some degree or some level. So you know, I think mental all the talk about mental health is so important for everyone to hear about.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:02:32

Agreed, agreed. And I really was honored to read your story and to hear some of what you've been through. And I did not know a lot of it. So it was it's incredible what we as human beings can endure and come out with positivity and purpose on the other side. Yeah. Thank you for standing up and being that role model for, you know, people in your industry and beyond.

Keith Hanks: 00:03:12

Thank you, I love what I do. So it's necessary important.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:03:16

Yes, it is important. I want to ask you about your chapter. And I know you kind of you kind of gave an overview. I don't know, if you want to specifically talk about a certain part or for the writing experience, either one.

Keith Hanks: 00:03:33

Yeah, I think I think both are pretty important. But you know, all in all my stories is a, you know, summary, basically of my entire life. But it focuses on, you know, what happened, you know, both personal and professionally. And then how I got through it, and what I do to, to continue to get through it. And, you know, it's really important, because I think I think we all you know, I think the resources are out there, I think when it comes to mental health of any level, whatever it is, whether it's you know, organic or trauma based or whatever the help is out there. And I think people just don't know enough about it don't know enough about people's experiences with it. Whatever it may be, whether it's therapy, Reiki pills, you know, whatever, whatever it may be, people don't know enough, so they're too timid to ask about it. And so I try to break down that that barrier when I talk or I give, or I write stuff, whatever it is, whether it's articles or, or chapters, whatnot, to try to break down that that the misnomers maybe or the unknown so people feel more comfortable or maybe more enticed to to better their mental wellness.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:04:43

Yeah, I think I just want to share something because you the suicide attempt I had in 97 I woke up in the hospital, and less than I was there less than eight hours, huh The doctor gave me a note to make an appointment with somebody, and let me walk out of the front door. And that was in the 90s, when people weren't having these conversations as much at all, no, no. And it also I was a, I was already a manager of a restaurant. And at that, and since then I've been, you know, executive in the hotel world of businesses. And I never ever knew what Nami was, until 2020. I didn't know that all these other organizations out there and resources even existed, I just knew that you could go to therapy, and I didn't. And so for 23 years, I was silent about it, and did nothing about it. And told no one. And then, you know, now, it's like, I've done so much research, I know what's available. And I don't know what of that conglomerate was available back then. But I'm sure some of it was. And it was just not. I mean, you think if you're, if you're taken to the hospital, in that scenario, did, they would give you more than make a make an appointment with this doctor. And when I went to the doctor, all he did was prescribed me a pill, there was there was no, like, you should go to therapy, there was there was no conversation about any of that. So I do feel like we've come a long way. But we still have a long way to go.

Keith Hanks: 00:06:34

I mean, it's it's pretty bad when, when suicide alone is losing number nine, or 10, or the top killers of people in this country. And then you combine things that they don't combine, which are things like liver problems that result in fatalities, drug overdoses that are categorized separately. Suicides, intentional deaths, like that are probably close to the number five in this country, in some counties, some age brackets, they're number two, like you're either gonna die in a car accident, or you're gonna kill yourself, if you're like 24 to 32. And it's like, that's awful. That's awful. And I when I talk to people, when I give presentations is one of the things I say is I give some of the statistics, and the fact that in this country, you're actually three times more likely to die by your own hands and to be shot by someone else or killed by someone else. That's awful. That is awful to think about that you would end your own life, you have a better chance of ending your own life than someone doing it for you. That's awful. That said,

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:07:33

It is and I think I was just talking to someone before this call. That was a gentleman that works in my former industry. And he has come out and talked about mental health a little bit lately when he was resistant to do that. And I think that I told him, I said, you know, all of us have the thoughts that we're alone, and we're not enough. And we don't matter. All everybody has those thoughts at some point. It's just that some of us have them more often and louder than others. And we think it's just us. So we keep it quiet. And I could speak to this from experience. But if you when we do stand up and talk, which I was so terrified to do, but when I did stand up and talk about it, it was like, it was a relief for me. But it was also so many people that reached out to me and said, I have this I have that I have depression, I have PTSD, I have this. And they would have never told me that if I wouldn't have been honest about my own story, right. And so the more that we can talk about it, the more it gives other people permission. And I think that the books are something that reach people even better, because they may not be ready to talk, but they can read a story and relate to it and connect with a person that they read your story and they can connect with you and have a conversation and it helps them get over that hump of speaking out. And so, that is the reason we do what we do. We just want people to know, they're not alone in those thoughts. Because, you know, it's proven that, you know, most of the population has the same thoughts and they're not alone.

Keith Hanks: 00:09:28

Yeah, no, it is. And it's it's beyond giving that normalizing that conversation and giving people that hey, I'm not alone. It can also humble you, you know, for me, you know, I when I tell my story and people learn more about me they're like holy crap, you're on the you're on the pretty intense end of like the trauma scale, right and not everyone has my story and I get that there's, you know, lesser lesser things can happen. It's individual right. But when you're reading things, you know, like for me where I come from, you know, the first responder and military world it's, I see the world that Really, and you know, what made me upset other people doesn't necessarily upset me and what upsets me most people don't understand. And so what I read chapters like when I read the book, when I read volume two of scars and stars, I was I was reading the things by people who were hairdressers by people who were whatever I don't even remember. But they were a first responder. It was only one other first responder who told the story. And most of his story wasn't necessarily first responders specific. And so you get humbled, you get you get this Oh, wow, like, I got a pretty good then, you know, almost like hearing other people's stories. And I think find that common ground with this is something where mental health is something that is so needed. And it's been proven throughout history that the more we talk about something, the better that could be in cancer is one of those we never used to talk about cancer, it was talking about that as they got the they got the C word or whatever. And then now look at it when we're curing cancer that you know, 15 years ago was killing people every time they got it.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:10:57

Yeah, so that's true. It's true. And we hope that we can do the same thing with suicide rates. But I think I think you're right about reading other people's story. Because it's like, once you've gone through something like you've made it to the other side. It's not that we forget it, or we forget the pain, but it's like we've, we're on the other side. Yeah. And when we read somebody's story who's different than ours, we can't imagine going through that. So we think their story is worse than ours. But if that helps us know, we're not alone. And it helps us know that there's hope. That's what matters. 100%. So my other question for you, is just, can you talk a little bit about, right, when you decided to write your story? And like, what that process was like for you?

Keith Hanks: 00:11:50

Yeah, so this is this is kind of a two stage, I guess, answer. So I actually started telling my story in like a journal entry sort of way. And I never thought in a million years I would ever want to take writing on as a multiple gig thing, which now I do. And, you know, writing for me was always hard. So throw school and stuff I didn't do much I got through high school English on cliffnotes. I did like one major writing assignment in college. And I don't know how he did it, but I got through it all. So writing for me, it was always hard, because I always felt weird writing my thoughts out. And when you're talking about your story, as it regards to, you know, mental health and in trauma, you're talking about feelings, you're talking about emotions, you're talking about very powerful parts of, of your existence. And I quickly realized that I'm pretty good at it. And I grew up as kind of a geek, I read a lot of comics, I'm still a sci fi guy, you know. So maybe it's that imagination part of me that kind of allows me to write but for me, it's very cathartic. And when I first wrote, so I'm writing my own book, about my whole story and given more details than I do, and most of the things I do. And I realized after I wrote this, this initially, the first draft of it, that it was like, the 600 page, it was like 187,000 words. And I realized that most of it was me venting, most of it was me healing. It was me facing what I had been through in the form of words, instead of the actual event, or images, or horrible, whatever it was, and I was healing. And so when I took on writing the chapter here for, you know, scars and stars, I knew exactly what I want, right. And at first, it was daunting being like, Oh, my whole life story and 3500 words, you know, and, but I did it. And I was able to write it in a way that I've never written about my life before, which showed me, you know, going back the last six, seven years that I've been writing, that I've done massive amounts of healing that I wasn't aware of. And I was able to use that as strength and motivation, whatever they else that I do. Because writing is very cathartic. And I've heard this from other people. And it's, it's so important to get experiences down on input form. Because it's all it's all education. And again, it allows people to learn they're not alone, and be able to see words, digital or on paper, I'm an old school guy, like my books. But to be able to see words and read them, your own way of someone else's experience is, is pretty huge and a very unique thing to be able to do.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:14:39

Yes, it is. And I think I think the stories in these books are very vulnerable. And you don't always I mean, sometimes you get that in other books, but not always. And so I think that's what makes it that it makes the connection stronger for readers. When they You can relate to what somebody's going through. And I think that writing for me, too, has been like that. Because in 2020, when I closed my business, I had a whole lot of time on my hands. And I wasn't used to having any time on my hands. And I started, you know, people had told me for years that I should turn on, and I was like, I don't have time for that. But I started journaling in 2020. And it changed everything, it did exactly what you said, after years and years of not talking about things. It let me get it out of my head, and it really did help me heal. And it was, it was a really big part of my journey, as well.

Keith Hanks: 00:15:43

It's huge. And even, you know, I don't know, if it's just getting it out like that whole, like, you know, they used to say, write it down and throw the paper away or something like that. And that can be cathartic. I never worked for me, but I don't know if it's seeing the words, and being like, picking up on the parts of the sentences in paragraphs that are important to what you're talking about, and be like, Oh, okay, it's out of me, is literally on this computer, or on this piece of paper, or whatever it may be. It's out of me. And this is what it looks like. It's just words. You know, it's no longer the event, it's no longer the, you know, the pain or the or the images, it's out on paper. And it's just words, you know, and I think it's important. So I'm glad that Lisa said, at least one other person has experienced the cathartic effect the writing.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:16:28

Well, it's funny, I want to share a story because I think it connects to what you're saying, um, back in 97, after I don't know, however, many months after I woke up in the hospital. I had a really good friend and her sister from college, who also lived in the area where I was living. And they didn't really know what happened, but they knew that I was having a hard time, some for some reason. And they asked me to go with them to see a tarot card reader. And I was like, I don't believe in that I don't want to go. I really just didn't want to go anywhere with anybody except to work, right? I was just depressed. But they knew that and they were trying to get me to get out of the house to do something. And I was like, really don't want to go. And she's like, well, I'm five minutes away, I'm coming to get you work. So so I went with them. And we, I don't know, it was some like gift shop or something. And there was this little table in the back corner. And it was this lady sitting there. And I talked to her I don't remember anything she said about reading my cards. But what I remember was at the end, she gave me her business card. And she was actually a counselor. And she told me to make an appointment if I wanted to come talk to her. And I think at some point, I don't the timeline of all this is so fuzzy in my head, but at some point, I went and talked to her. And she told me three things that I remember. And that was burn sage in your apartment, rearrange your furniture, and write everything down and burn it. And I was like, whatever.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:18:22

But, you know, sometime later after that, I I woke up in my jeep on the side of the road with no recollection of where I was. And I had been to a party and I had been drinking and I had I think we were going to another place and because I obviously wasn't going home and I I pulled over. And I'm just I woke up that morning with Sunrise and said, first of all, where am I? And second of all, did I hurt anybody? Because that would that woke me up pretty big. So when I got home that day, I did those three things she told me to do. Even though it had been probably weeks or months, I don't know. I did those things. And that's when I started started to do something to make myself better. And so I don't know that it worked or it didn't work, but it helped me do something to take the next step. Right. And if that helps anyone who wasn't listening, it was worth me telling you

Keith Hanks: 00:19:39

100% I think that's what this all is all about. Whether it's overcoming adversity or, or you know, mental health as a whole or whatever it is. I think just hearing other people talk about it. I mean, it's It sounds weird at first, but it's relieving to hear other people's stories. And once you hear a few and you get over, you get out of your you kind of able to stay in your own uncomfort zone, I say, because it is uncomfortable to hear other people's pain, which is why we haven't talked about this for so long. It's if you can endure the stories and you can listen to them, you all you hear in this is hope, because it's the person who's lived the the events is telling you, they're still here. And they've gotten through whatever that moment is. And that's hope, right there. And if you people can listen to these stories, you know, we can we can gain so much more hope in this world and change lots of parts of it for the better.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:20:35

I agree. And I'm glad you have joined our mission and didn't have your own mission as well, which I want to support however it can. And you want to tell people a little bit more about what you're what you have in the works. And you're speaking and all that stuff.

Keith Hanks: 00:20:54

Yeah, yeah. So like, you know, I just said, I am writing my own book, which is the processes of, you know, short demons where, and it's even harder when you try and do most of at least the beginning of it by yourself, and you don't want to get rid of certain information, you're not sure if you need to build on another. So that's one of the biggest things of the longest term thing I've been working on. That's what my journaling started as back in 2017, or 16. So both things just kind of, I'm doing things that I never imagined I do, like I do podcasts all the time. And it's a lot of fun, I actually enjoy going on and just talking, I've done ones that are like 100% Mental Health talks, and the ones that we just talked about, like, my job is a firefighter. And it's a lot of fun. I mean, in that, before that I had started on a smaller scale, getting up on stage, if you will, and in telling my story. And it's this is all growth, because beyond the fact that you know, I spent a career as a firefighter and EMT, I never thought in a million years, I'd be doing all this. And that being growth every time I present, or tell my story of whoever it started, the information changes with the way I present, it changes I get better every time I do it. And I never realized that until not that long ago, I had someone show a snippet of one of my first presentations back in 2021. Like a conference level one. And I was like, wow, okay. All right. I mean, that's, that's not bad. I'm glad I did it. But, but while I'm a lot better, and that's growth, because beyond just becoming better at that presenting, I'm healing. And so, you know, that all gave me a lot more confidence. And I was actually able, in March of 2022, I had convinced a few Hollywood, Hollywood producers to make a documentary on first quarter trauma and PTSD. And so in March, we started the filming process, and made a you know, full length feature length documentary that sort of centers around my story and has, you know, 16 other people that are interviewed from different parts, some personal like, my wife's in it, and then different people I've worked with and stuff, and everyone tells her own story. And everyone's being so vulnerable. And I'll be honest, I mean, I was never an actor, kid in school, I never did, whatever, whatever they used to call it stage. I was theater, whatever. I thought it was dumb, to be honest. But to sit there, and maybe things didn't want to do like a screenplay, but the sit there and listen to other people's stories while they're on camera. I mean, it is so attached with some people very intimidated to be in front of a camera. But these people are telling these these these powerful stories, these vulnerable stories that are now going to be seen by potentially millions of people at some point. And that took my friend, but it took some balls. I mean, that took a lot of strength and courage were the men and women who got in front of that camera. And for me to be able to witness that was huge. I live my own story every day, but to be able to sit there and watch other people conjure up that sort of courage and share it. So that was that was a really cool thing to be proud of. And we're in the process of getting that out. Now the short term is like indie film festivals, which we're navigating, which I don't know anything about. And then long term is like a streaming app. So like, you know, the Netflix or Hulu or whatnot in between. We're tossing the idea of doing like a tour with a movie across the country like 15 or 20 cities. Because just such it's got such a great message in it. And it's all about hope. So with that I was able to do a couple other documentaries, small parts and documentaries and it's all just sort of fuel just being an advocate and trying to you know, I don't expect people to heal publicly like me. But my hope is that people can heal privately by watching me heal publicly and that's kind of what I do all All I do whether it's writing, you know, film type stuff or interviews, podcasts all that is just, I'm just kind of all part of it. And I hope it helps helps one person then I've done my job.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:25:14

Yes. Well, I, I watch your videos, and I think you've helped way more than one person. So I can't wait to see the movie, though. Yeah,

Keith Hanks: 00:25:24

It's pretty, it's pretty cool. I'll be honest, it's I will have hopefully have access to the trailer for it, which is good. Because come summertime, I have some more conference speaking events. And hopefully I can show it to get people amped up for it and spread the word.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:25:39

That's awesome. Well, Keith, it's been really awesome having this conversation with you. And I just, do you have any last words, want to share with anybody.

Keith Hanks: 00:25:51

You know, I always tell people that there's always hope. And it sounds corny, but, you know, people like us, that people that we've met, especially, you know, people you've met, all the different books are proof that there is hope. And, you know, we falter and fall on our face quite often, especially in my life. But I'm still here, you know, and you're still here. And there was always hope, and they can always be better.