Overcoming Suicidal Ideation | Katie Miller

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:00:00

Hello there, it's Deana and we're excited to have you at our events, December 3 for save life challenge, which is kind of a new series that we're doing. And I'm really excited today to have Katie Miller here. I met Katie through an app for coaches that we're both part of. And she found out that she is part of an organization called the teen suicide prevention society than I get that right Katie? Okay. So we're going to have a conversation about teen suicide and what Katie is up to So Katie, I'll let you introduce more of yourself or the organization. How are you like?

Katie Miller: 00:00:46

Sure. The teen suicide prevention society is a nonprofit of 501 C three, based out of Sarasota, Florida, and it was created by myself, my two sisters and my mom. And it's our mission to try and help everyone back away from a ledge that they may not even know they're standing there. Right?

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:01:10

Would you like to give the audience a little background of why? Why you lost started.

Katie Miller: 00:01:17

In August of 2019, my sister Stephanie gave a seven minute talk that she was going to have transcribed to put into a book compilation stories of from multiple different authors. My mom was hosting the event. So she said, Just give a talk, we'll have it transcribed, you can use it for your story. Well, Stephanie got up and started with the staggering statistic that at that point in time, 3000 times a day in the US alone, attempted suicide. And those were only the ones that were reported as attempts, not the ones that were brushed off as something else, or those that actually died. Stephanie then shared about her first suicide attempt at the age of 14, and the several suicide attempts that followed her after she's still with us, she's now I'm not going to say to all she's 40. I'm going to call her out on right, she's 40.

Katie Miller: 00:02:27

She still has suicidal thoughts every day. But she manages to find the joy in living, and wanted to get those tools into the hands of teens before they need it. So that's kind of what prompted the teen suicide prevention society, we have a series of books called Make it a great day, the choice is yours, which the very first one includes Stephanie's story. And we've done two more since then. And we just had a song released that was written after a conversation with a group of singers, one of the singers wrote a song for the teen suicide prevention society. And that got launched earlier this month on the 11th.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:03:13

That's so exciting. And they had an I know that you had a contest to find someone who would record it did that play out yet?

Katie Miller: 00:03:23

We still are accepting nominations for people to sing our song, what we want to do actually is for everyone who accepts their nomination, we want them to do a cover of the song and share it on social media. Because everyone impacts a minimum of 20 people in the world in their world. So the more people who sing it, the more people who are impacted by the song and the song is just a perfect way to introduce the idea of having a conversation. And then it's safe to have a conversation.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:03:55

Yes. So could you. I also know your mom has a TED talk, I've seen it, which is really awesome around the subject as well. So maybe in the chat after this, we can put links for the song, how you can share it, and also the TED talk if people want to see that. When we when we play this at the event, we can put that in the chat.

Katie Miller: 00:04:24

I can get all of those for you. That's not redirects from us everything.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:04:31

To the other thing, our event today is called save life challenge. And I meant to put this on the screen. But I think that the important thing about what you're doing is that it's all around teens, where as our mission is just suicide rates in general and we normally talk to adults. So can you tell me what the approach is with the teen suicide prevention society And what might be different for teens than adults in general.

Katie Miller: 00:05:08

We studied how the teenage brain really works. And teenagers are more likely to go to their peers to talk about what's bothering them, versus going to a parent, a teacher or guidance counselor, or an adult. So we designed the talk that saves lives, which is for questions that anyone can get for free on our website, teensuicidepreventionsociety.com. And we can then use this script to have a conversation, to just open up the door in a safe way, where someone could feel safe sharing whether or not they've considered suicide. And also, more importantly, their reasons for stay. And the way how the talk is designed and the way how the conversation is designed. It actually helps, again, build that buffer, not only in the person who is giving, asking the questions, but the person who is answering the questions. That's the power of mirror neurons. And I can geek out on the brain science. But I know that's kind of like over most people's heads. But it really is just the main thing that the main thing that we found was right before everything shut down for COVID. We were doing a buy one give one for free of the Make it a great day, the choice is yours book, the very first one that we put out. And Jackie had a box of books and went to a local high school. And while she was giving the talk and explaining the mission of the teen suicide prevention society, she asked the kids in the auditorium to raise their hands if they had been touched by suicide. Every student raised their hands. And then COVID hit and we had to stop trying to get into the schools. Because we weren't in school, everything was done digital. So it's become our mission to share it through podcasts, and through interviews such as this, to where people can understand that it's safe to talk about. And when you get to the point as to what I do, besides being the Assistant Director of the teen suicide prevention society, I also help remove the emotion, negative emotional triggers, to past events in someone's lives where they don't have to speak about what happened verbally, so they don't become re traumatized by it. And that's just an additional tool to help take out all the negative garbage in our brains. And fill us up with positivity again, giving us a bigger buffer from the ledge. And every little bit helps, because we all have good days and bad days, and the brain is just built to be negatively bias. And that's a great tool for survival when we were cavemen. But nowadays, it's not so great.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:08:23

Yeah, sure. I think that there are so many, you know, I get a lot of people reaching out to me about teens, and you know, parents saying, you know, what is the best way for me to help my team that is struggling? And I, you know, sometimes they retreat, because when you ask them, they don't want to talk about it. And I was a prime example of that in my life. But but do you have any tips for parents specifically that have somebody who's struggling? And how to support that, that child,

Katie Miller: 00:09:00

They can go to our website, they can get a copy of the guide, the why not workbook, which is a great tool to use, and also get a copy of the script. Which if it's okay with you, I can demonstrate that right now. Absolutely. Usually what we tell our advocates is to approach someone and say, I'm studying to be an advocate for living to support the teen suicide prevention society. And I have this guide this four questions script. Do you have maybe five minutes tomorrow where we can practice and you can help me practice my script? Nine times out of 10 the other person is going to say yes, because they know it's a practice conversation. And generally we like to help people that we are friends with. So we'll pretend we had that conversation yesterday and I'll ask you the questions now. There are two rules for this conversation. For question. Since one, two and three, you can only answer yes or no. Question number four, you can give me as much information as you would like. Are you ready?

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:10:10

Yeah.

Katie Miller: 00:10:11

Yeah. Question number one. Have you heard about the rise of teen suicide?

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:10:17

Yes.

Katie Miller: 00:10:19

Thank you. Question number two. Do you know somebody who has tried or died?

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:10:26

Yes.

Katie Miller: 00:10:28

Thank you. Question number three. Have you thought of leaving that way?

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:10:35

Yes.

Katie Miller: 00:10:37

Thank you. Question number four. What are your reasons for staying?

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:10:44

Oh, how long do you have?

Katie Miller: 00:10:48

As you want to give honey?

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:10:49

I know, I'm just joking with you. And for those of you watching the don't know, I survived and attempted at 27. And I am 52. Now. So it's been a while and it took me over two decades to speak about it. But to answer your question, I think, I don't know that I ever really wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. And I think that is the the biggest answer I hear from people across the board. And I think that pain can come from a lot of different areas and in different forms. And part of why we do these events is so we can talk about this. So we can talk about this with people who have experienced similar things. So you have this space, a safe space to have this conversation. And it's not, maybe there are people in your life that are causing the pain. Maybe there are people in your life that are not open to talking to you about it, or maybe they don't even know. And if they do know, they might not know how to support you. And so there's so many scenarios, but I think that the reason, you know, for me staying is kind of my, the gratitude practice I have now and that we're going to talk about today at some point, but it's really just being thankful for the things in my life. And when I do have the pain or the anxiety or the depression, how how to manage that better and finding healthy coping mechanisms.

Katie Miller: 00:12:23

One of the benefits about listing your reasons for staying, even if you're lying. When I was first doing this, as practice, my response would be because I haven't seen a unicorn yet. figured you know, if they make low light, make it funny conversation makes the other person feel at ease. What I didn't realize is that my brain actually stored in the search engine of our brain, that I cannot leave until I've seen a unicorn. So if I ever get to the point as to where I'm thinking of leaving that way, my brains gonna go, oh, wait, you haven't driven a Ferrari. You haven't seen a unicorn, you haven't gone to see the elephants at Africa, your all of these things that I've listed that I want to do that I want things I want more of in my life like time with my son, things I have not yet done? Well, I can check Fiji off my list. But there are a whole bunch of other places that I still want to travel to. So it creates this list of evidence as to why I have reasons for staying. Because one of the things that we found when we were talking to teens, is when asked why did they attempt it? The response was I don't know. And it's really because it seemed like a good idea at the time. So by creating this file folder of reasons for staying, oh, I do have a reason for saying because I haven't done this yet, or I want more of this yet. It's a fun way to trick the brain.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:13:57

I was doing a so some of you might know who Johnny Crowder is. We always play his really short video about coke notes on our events. And you will see it today if you haven't already. And we have an affiliate link with them. But I was doing an interview with Donnie and it's on our YouTube channel. And we were talking about, you know, as a teen, he was going through a lot of this and he had schizophrenia and bipolar and all kinds of things going on. And he didn't really want to take meds or go to therapy or any of that. And so he said that, you know, when he was a teenager, his mom said, you're going to take your meds and you're going to go to therapy or I'm going to put you an inpatient care. And so he started taking his meds and he went to therapy. And he said, after the first therapy session, he's like, Well, I feel pretty good, but like the next therapy session is two weeks away. So what do I do for the next 13 days? And that's part of why he started Koch notes, which is a texting app, and I get it. I've gotten it for almost two years now. It's amazing. I do too. But he also I was asking him specifically about his teenage years. And like, what, what was good or bad for him, like when he was going through that? And he said, You know, when my mom would start to sit me down and ask me what was wrong, I didn't want to talk about it. If she would sit down with me and talk about music or something I enjoyed, or what was I looking forward to? That was a whole different story. And it helped him be in a positive mindset. And like you're saying, look forward to something. And he's like, I even postponed my death once because I wanted to go to a concert. So that was like a lightbulb to me, because I had never thought of it that way. And so maybe that's helpful to people. But I think it's, it's that we have to have some coping mechanism, whether it's a coke note text every day, or whether it's, you know, getting outside and exercising or whatever it is for you. Everybody's different. Everybody has what is their thing. But as long as we're being vigilant about those coping mechanisms, and they're healthy, and you're taking care of yourself, it's a little easier to have the, I'm looking forward to I'm grateful for side of it. And so that's kind of what I've learned on a general scale, but also about teenagers specifically. So if you have, do you have anything that you would add to that, or, or change about what I said?

Katie Miller: 00:16:44

Well, that goes along the lines of asking them, what are their reasons for stay. Because even if they lie, it's still putting that like me in the unicorn is still putting that piece of evidence in the file folder. So when it gets to the point as to where they're inside of this negative echo chamber, and all they can hear is the negative thoughts. One of the things that I found is just simply take a deep, slow breath, it instantly clears your mind, it slows your heart rate. And it lets you realize that there are options. I'm not saying take suicide off the table. But it lets you know that there's more than one option out there. And even if it is, okay, I'm just gonna make it another day, then you make it another day. But one of the things that we have to realize is, we've all at some point in time, did not want to get out of bed. We either didn't feel good, we were too tired. That was a test at school. I didn't want to deal with my parents, I didn't want to deal with my sisters. I just wanted to stay snuggled up in bed. But I made the choice that I was going to get up, get dressed and go on with my day. That right there is evidence that even when I'm in a crappy mood, or sick, that I could still get up, get dressed and get on with my day as long as I take care of myself. And that's just a piece of evidence that I feel oh, wait. I do find reasons to accomplish these things. And it might not seem huge to most people, because most people don't have Brom getting up at a bit. But for anyone who's struggled with that, you know how hard it is to get up some mornings, and that is a huge accomplishment if you can still get up and get dressed when you don't feel that way. And you should be proud of yourself for that.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:18:43

Yeah, I I second that. I'm one of those people who hates to get out of bed every morning. And I'm not lazy. I just have always been a night person so I don't sleep well. I don't sometimes I can go to bed earlier but and I wake up at like last night I woke up at midnight and I couldn't go back to sleep. So I think you know when you have insomnia or you have you know, a schedule, that's never the same and your sleep is is not good. Sometimes that is a huge factor of you know, the struggle of sleep is so important. Yeah.

Katie Miller: 00:19:24

It is and one of the things that I've found because my schedule is all over the place. If you can take a two hour nap in the afternoon, it is perfectly okay I am in my 40s I am perfectly okay, we take a nap in the afternoon. More focused when I'm coming back for the second half of the day in the evening into you know when I'm working until one o'clock in the morning. Yes, I don't recommend doing it on a regular basis. But every now and then, you know, I could just take a nap.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:19:56

Yeah. And I always talk about how Self care really changes the game. Because if you are practicing self care in any way, shape or form that works for you, it does give your brain the space to be more productive to be more creative. All of those things in lessens the brain fog, where you're like, why can't I just concentrate and finish whatever it is, you know. And so it's self care really does change the game about a lot of things.

Katie Miller: 00:20:29

It does. And when we get into the habit of self care, that even when we feel like I don't know how else to describe it, but even when you feel yucky, you still go through the the steps that you've, you've built this habit for it, and you feel so much better. Versus if you decide to skip it, you're just going to feel icky all day long. But if you actually go through the steps, even though you don't want to, you actually feel a lot better on the other end of it. And one of the other things was you had mentioned, your gratitude practice. You know, with my sister, Stephanie was finding joy in everyday living. So what have we done, I have a unicorn horn on my headphones, I have my favorite stuffed hippos over here in the corner of my screen. Because they make me smile. They make me happy. It helps me find joy in every day. And just little things like that. There are people who don't understand why I wear a unicorn horn if they don't understand Oh, well. They're not my tribe. No one know about. That's true. That's very true. You know, but it's the same thing with wearing your favorite necklace or favorite earrings, you know, just something with you or something sitting on your desk that you can see every day that just brings joy to your life. So then that way, when you have a few moments, or Oh, then you can see oh, look, I've got a unicorn sitting here on my desk, because we find it.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:21:59

Very true. So Katie, I want to thank you for for joining us and for having this conversation with me. Because we know how important conversations are. And hopefully it will help others start a conversation. But I want you to tell our audience how to find you and your website, and maybe remind them of what resources you have there.

Katie Miller: 00:22:22

sure The official website is teensuicidepreventionsociety.com, which I know is really long. So we have a redirect, which is teaspoons, teaspoons.org, which will take you straight to the site, you can get the talk that saves lives, you can get the wind out workbook for free. Underneath our training, we do have the advocate training program that you can sign up for. We also have tools from some of our sponsors. Positive prime, for example, is a vision board on steroids. And I created my own session. It's called Holding Space and Love. So it's just something that you can watch and it has positive affirmation statements. That just helps get past the critical part of the brain and into the subconscious. So then that way you goes in that file folder and just saves for later.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:23:22

Well, thank you, Katie. I really appreciate you and what you're doing in the world and the people you're touching.

Katie Miller: 00:23:30

Thank you very much. You are doing a fantastic job, helping spread the word as well. And every time we speak about it. We're touching a minimum of 20 people.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:23:40

Well, thank you so much. Hope to see you in the chat.