Overcoming | Devan Featherstone

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:00:00

Hello, everybody, it's Deana at The Realized Foundation. And I'm here today with Devan Featherstone, who is one of our Arthur's in our upcoming scars, the stars book coming out in September. And so I wanted to talk to Devan a little bit about what his chapters about and what his experience has been working with us in this project, and learn some more about him. So Devan, if you want to introduce yourself a different way, feel free and tell us what your chapter is.

Devan Featherstone: 00:00:33

Okay, well, hello, everyone. Welcome scowl, styles, volume three. Thank you, Dana for the opportunity to literally get my story out and for being there. For me recently, it's been an absolute blessing. My chapter really is about my it's about overall my entire life. But I feel that my life is also a reflection of a lot of the traumas that ways people suffer together. My traumas are your traumas in the sense of something me and Dana have in common is friends who have committed suicide. So my chapters about that, as much as it is about a loss of friends, that you that you'll never see, again, recently, that happened to me. But that was due to a memory loss issue, which really stems from my childhood, which really is where my story begins. So my chapters really about myself growing up from the age of three, and being, as what they would call a super genius of on, my parents were obviously pretty taken aback by the idea. And when I started school, it was pretty, pretty difficult for me to communicate with other people. But luckily, my cousins and my friends and the school themselves was was a brilliant school, and they allow me to express myself. While they're obviously between the ages of three and eight, I met a lot of prominent people, both in government and in other areas of entertainment. And that, of course, allowed me to make money. And unfortunately, that caused me to be targeted by people who lived in that area. But who didn't like either the fact that I was colored on the fact that they I didn't know at the time, they were actually involved in what we would call a pedophile ring. Human trafficking is something I will learn pretty much every year of my life between the ages of three and eight. And it would be, it would become something that, you know, define my life. To clarify, I mean, even now, it is something that through through this as a means communication in regards to trauma, it's something that I don't think you ever truly get over. With my memory loss. It's not just it's physically losing so much time with loved ones, with my own children, which is obviously another part of my story, and how, how those relationships have all been affected by this one criminal aspects and that of that has essentially, both ruined my life and been, I guess the very reason for it is the things I've always wanted to do is help people. And I believe helping people is something we do through God's love. I've always believed that we can strive to be a better community in every aspect of the word, no matter what nation you're from, no matter what color or sex or gender you are. And so I guess my story is really about overcoming all the hatred, and all the all the evil that you might experience in the world, whether it's from bullying at school, to people wondering if you're insane or not, because your story is so unbelievably heartbreaking. You're overwhelmingly incredible. And then having the bravery and strength to really try and push forward, not just for yourself, but for your family, your friends, and essentially for truth and justice. And I think that's something that we should all strive to do every day.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:04:43

That is true. Thank you for sharing that. Kevin. I know it's I know, our audience doesn't know yet about your memory loss and what what you're going through now to try to kind of re live or I understand a lot of things that have happened in your life if you want to talk about that a little bit.

Devan Featherstone: 00:05:05

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, so, as Deana already knows, and trying to explain this as easily as possible. It's like living two lives. One life, I knew from my day I was born until 2018, I was absolutely certain of who I was, what I'd done, who my friends were. And then I started getting flashes of memory, which, which some people might call dreams or daydreaming. And I didn't really pay any attention to them. I then started seeing a psychologist speaking with my family and friends. And it was clear that I needed to take a journey to America to find my footing. And so in 2019, I came here to Los Angeles, and I actually ended up recalling Hollywood Boulevard, the hostel I'd stayed in, I started recording a meeting friends that I had known years ago, that started helping, forming, creating solid foundations that were no longer no longer figments of my imagination, that was real memories, real events that happened. And the more and more I delve into it, the more exciting and scary life got, I traveled to Las Vegas, which is what I thought it was for the first time. And I ended up walking halfway down the strip, before I realized I'd done it before. But it was worth doing again, because life is worth taking that journey for. And while I I said about a friend passed away, I only got to speak to him once before he did. And it's because of that, that you can really, that sense of cliche that you're taking carpe ADM, seizing the day, taking those opportunities, that really hits home, because no matter how bad that struggle is that journey back to who I am, has helped me recover my life. I didn't know I had children in this country, I didn't know that, you know, I was a great dad, I didn't know that my parents got to be great grandparents. When my parents is gone now it's so it's so uplifting for me to think that I didn't fail them, that they saw what their son was capable of, and that he was a good man. And, you know, that life, the life didn't get me down. They didn't let the beginnings of my life, get me down and that I've you know, I've I've dedicated my life to, to not just to my memories, but to like I said before truth and justice, I said, if there's anything worth fighting for, it's each other. And it's definitely making sure that bad people get what they deserve. And good people get the opportunities and love they deserve as well.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:08:04

That's true. Thank you again, for sharing. It's, you know, it's been, I mean, from what I know, and from the conversations we've had, you've had a, like you said incredible life and a trauma filled life as well. And so I'm so glad to have you part of this project, and to get your story out in the world. And there are other people in the world who have experienced some of those things, too, that maybe you your story will give them hope, and a reason to maybe connect with you or to just know that they can get through it, too. So thank you for sharing. And I want to ask you about just the weeks that you've been involved with this project and what that means to you or what impact it's had on you.

Devan Featherstone: 00:08:57

Yeah, being part of this project has a really positive impact. And I would I mean, if daily comes to or, if you need help, I would I would definitely go to the realize foundation. I mean, it's not just Dana and Demi. It's all the people I've met while doing this project. Even Jeremy Jeremy was in the last two books, I believe. And I met him through through work, actually. And he was the one that sent me to Dana. And it's even that sense of community and talking to somebody. I wouldn't have thought by talking to Jeremy I ended up here, but ended up being here is where I needed to be. And that happens that of coincidence or divine inspiration happens every day. And being part of this project to try and help people overcome not just their traumas, but try and get them to realize that they themselves like me We're not failures, we may have been victims. But that certainly doesn't define who we are or what we're capable of. And, yeah, we shouldn't be afraid not just shouldn't be alone, and shouldn't be afraid to trust people and open up. It's something I've, I'm only now capable of even trying to do that. And it's been four years for me with my memories. And it's, and it's hard when you when you want to open up to somebody, even my family, you know, you're trying to explain to them, like, I know, I haven't been present so many years, and you know, even they've had to tolerate it. So well, you weren't really you then. So we do not talk to you, you know about something you don't remember. So yeah, I mean, it can be overwhelmingly scary. But to be part of this project gives you a way to express yourself and release that tension. It gives you a community of people that understand some of your traumas, if not all of them. And it's a family, essentially, that you don't have to get rid of it can be there for I think that's what community in life is all about. And, you know, the realize Foundation has given that, to me and so many others so far that hopefully they can do that for you, too.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:11:22

Well, thank you. I had a built in commercial. I think it's, it is really important. And I was talking to another mother earlier today. And we were talking about how wonderful our brains are in the sense that it protects us from things. And sometimes when you've been through trauma, especially some of the trauma you've been through that I've read about. It might be hiding those memories to protect you. Because it's sometimes things are so intense or traumatic that you don't need to relive them. So maybe that is part of you losing some of your memory. Yes, yeah. And I think that, you know, we were made in a way that our brains are so powerful in so many ways, and how, how that like failsafe part of it protects us, and especially with, you know, for me, I was I was telling Katie earlier that the day of my suicide attempt, I remember those few hours. So clearly, that everything around it in that time of my life is still fuzzy, like I I had to call and talk to friends to help me remember, or ask them what they remembered, because they didn't really know the whole story. Like just understanding what they saw about me in that time, like what was going on? And it was, it's crazy how different people in the same situation have very different perspectives to Yeah, because, you know, some people think, oh, yeah, I remember this really clearly, or this is really fuzzy. And I really don't know. So I have to go and what other people are telling me, so I haven't experienced that to the level you have. But I've experienced it enough to understand a little bit about how that feels. Because you're asking somebody that you love and trust to tell you what they saw. Because you don't remember. Yeah. And it's also crazy to me how clear one hour is an hour before is so fuzzy, it's it's hard to discern what is what is real and what is truth.

Devan Featherstone: 00:14:10

Yeah, I mean, I've had that with, with my memory loss. And when my life so far, it's not just relying on people, but it's relying on. So a lot of people as I assure their memories, or then if you're making gaps, and one of the funny things about knowing who I was as a child, and knowing who I am as a person is that I don't really have that issue in regard. It's because of that. I'm lucky, like I have, I can remember things as clearly as they happen. You know, it was part of the gift of being a savant that allows me that and I don't as a child, I didn't see. I saw it as a manipulation because of these people. They would try and deceive you went into believing something that wasn't real. And they would choose that to hurt kids. And because of that, I guess I always put up this barrier of the truth is the truth. Being that smile allowed me to do that. But having experienced what you've just talked about, you know, asking someone, you know, you ask 10 People who are closest to you what they remember about that time, and you write it all on a board, and then it starts bringing back memories for you. And then you create your, your memory, and then some of its real well, 90% of its real there, all right, in some way, but it's not your memory, and then your memory is there. And you know, you have to then go, well, is that just it? Is that the memory done? Or is there more to come? And I've learned that through, I've had memories of full blown conversations with people and thinking, well, that that's that memory must be surely over, you know that that's not going anywhere else that's like, it's an entire day of a conversation that I've remembered out of nowhere. All because I heard listen to the right song, or I saw the right picture or both. And then I could be waking up and just be like, there's more of it. But that's to me, that's my brain waking up to what I hope is that same beautiful young child, whose brainwaves and patterns are working now, in recalling his life properly, without the trauma interfering with all those blocks being removed. And I'm hoping that that's that's where it is now rather than. So it's not that. So now it's me trying to explain to other people that I remember this. And I remember that in the past, because like you said, My memories have been cloudy, that I've misconstrued a conversation, because I didn't have the other part of the conversation. Like, like a typical exam, you have comprehension and understanding, but you need both parts, to actually make it the you know, to make it whole again. And something, you know, I've looked back on my life and been like, dammit, I've acted poorly then, or that out of anger. And even if the anger was justified, you know, tomorrow, I'm going to have a memory when I realized, dammit, we made up for that. And I shouldn't have said those things, you know, and it's really trying to get to there. And I love the fact that in the past, you know, family, friends, everyone has tried to do that. Well, we've been part of that. And I think that's that's the beautiful thing in itself. And I you know, I'd start learning to love myself, while doing this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Like, I mean, where I was before. And I even that the cliche of you really do need to love yourself to be positive, it's true. Even the abilities to relive trauma, you know, to accept what's happened to you will heal you physically and mentally. And if because if you don't love yourself, you're going to leave yourself in this pit of despair, surrounded by all the negative feelings and emotions. And you won't allow yourself to open up to the positive ones and you won't see yourself clearly and are trying to do that for myself has been while trying to be decent human beings just trying to function, go to work, have a decent conversation with somebody. I mean, even my friends that I live with, it's like Devin, one minute, you're there, then next minute you're gone. sitting right next to each other, it's like wow, just pay, I can't help it because my brains go and they've reminded me of a conversation. And then my brains like oh, you're awake now. So that your life is gonna be like, but yeah, I completely understand.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:19:02

I can't imagine experiencing that to the extent that you have, but I have experienced it a little bit. And it's it's kind of like, okay, I need to remember this to understand and process and heal and move on. But then I don't necessarily want to even know about it.

Devan Featherstone: 00:19:29

Either I don't want those memories, thanks as you can keep them, keep them where you stored them. But, you know, with my life, that's exactly what led me down that road. These people that would have hurt me, you know, they were able to do that because of the trauma. They you know, they were able to do that because I didn't understand who these people were. I didn't recognize them. You know, and that led to other people like you say, you know, being hurt or being involved. You know, it was hard to make friends And then all that guilt as well comes in, like, if it wasn't for me. And you know, these people never would have got hurt. But then, you know, I might well then who's to blame? Because I was just a child, you know, who was helping me who wasn't helping me? And, you know, how did these people managed to get away with, you know? And even that, so even trust issues when it comes to law enforcement, or teachers, or you know, who do you trust? Who can you go to? Who's gonna be there for you? And I said, the guilt, the guilt of even you know, having a friend and then realize God, coming to America meeting a friend. And then my friend, my poor friend who hasn't done anything wrong, gets attacked by these people, because they're hanging out with me. It's not what I wanted. Yeah, you know, but it's what they want. Because to them, it's an enjoyment factor. And it's something that, you know, it separates us. And I feel guilty about that. And so even having to go through that, and yet, trying to say feeling guilty, loving yourself, trying to love yourself, while feeling guilty, while being appreciative of the fact that other people that have suffered are in your life, have gone through these traumas and are trying to be there for you. It is overwhelming. It's, and it's everything you're, like I said, you're still trying to go to work, trying to get money, you're trying not to be depressed. And all in the hopes that you can vote, you can heal, and you can bring your family back together and be with your friends. And we can all get on with our lives. And yeah, it's I mean, it's fascinating how the human brain works. But I think, I think the soul and our resilience and the strength that comes from this being divine and knowing that we have a purpose and place in life.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:21:53

Yeah. And I do think that my grandmother used to say, God only gives you what you can handle. Yeah. And then she would say, he must think I'm really strong.

Devan Featherstone: 00:22:10

My mum used to say the same thing, you know, lately, I guess I ever feeling that as well. I mean, when I was young, I was very close with the church. And I felt my mom tried to get me back into it. After my dad passed away, and I felt very disconnected from what from faith, not really so much religion, I was raised Roman Catholic, but I was very more spiritual. I've met a lot of spiritual leaders, and in different, different ways of faith around the world. And I found that it was faith, that was the thing that held us together. We all have different ways of religion having, you know, or traditions, and how we can see that faith. But I think faith is really what binds us. And it wasn't until I realized that that also was an aspect I was missing. You know, and it was, again, eye opening. It's just, it's having to accept the fact that it's such a must such a big part of my life, as a child, that I neglected all these years. And had I not gone to the church here, the Thomas of apostle, I wouldn't have that back in my life, I wouldn't have those memories, probably I wouldn't have walked down that path again. I wouldn't have known that God and Jesus and the faith was on my side, I wouldn't know. You know, I wouldn't know all these wonderful things. And I wonder how much of your life you really, you really forget, and how much it's just the fact that when we get older, maybe we're not just being our true selves. Maybe we don't even remember our childhood so well, because we're just not those children anymore. But we should be. Because there was nothing wrong with those children, those children's were beautiful, amazing beings. You know, maybe as we get older, we should concentrate more on keeping that in a bit of our inner child, you know, free and loose, to make friends and fall in love.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:24:15

That's a really good point. It's true. I have. It's funny, I have some friends from high school that are in a Facebook group with me. And they still live where I grew up, and I've been gone for 30 years. And so my family Tilos are two but it's amazing to me what they remember about, like elementary school. Yeah. And they'll post something. And I was like, I don't remember that at all. My teachers names and what grade I couldn't tell you any of that. And so my friends like well, I remember all that, but I can't remember what happened yesterday. Well, yeah, I guess we'll help each other.

Devan Featherstone: 00:24:58

Again, it's a fascinating thing with me. Memories and with friendship groups, I had no problem with that. I knew when I was born, I remembered, you know, every teacher's name. So, where we went to school, every holiday, it was just so overwhelming for me. I was just like, I don't know these people. You know, I like I said, for even for my mother, I remembered a memory the other day. And she was crying because she was watching an old video of me as her, you know, little super genius child. And she was crying. And I genuinely had thought, when I saw the video, that I had a brother who passed away. And that's, you know, I had a twin, or, you know, that's what it was. Because the I even for me, close to that age. You know, that's how much I'd been hurt. That's how much the trauma had taken over already. They didn't even recognize myself. And you know, having to get experienced that as well and wondering, and even now, so losing her and 21 while I was here looking for my life, there's something you know, I'm going to feel guilty about, because I would really like her to be here. Now to know that I remember that. And I'm sorry, but I'm, I'm happy at the same time. And I know she'd be happy for me. But it's just one of those I city regrets that we all have when we just want things to be perfect. But we also have to accept the fact that they're not and keep moving forward, I guess.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:26:35

Well, I think that you should not feel guilty. And I think that your mom knows. That's what I think. Yeah. Was there any last last word you want to give to? whoever's listening? Ah,

Devan Featherstone: 00:26:53

not really, I guess, my quote, something I guess I haven't actually seen yet. But I guess it will be something like to be happy, but never at the expense of another's. That something I genuinely believe in myself to something that I, through my life, I believe discovered and I believe it's, it's a way that help you teach to live your life, be respectful of others. And my favorite quote, while doing this would be the 1000s 1000s Grades can be shattered by one joy. And you know, you should never should never let somebody else's pain or anguish define your happiness.

Deana Brown Mitchell: 00:27:40

That's a good one. I think we'll end on that.

Devan Featherstone: 00:27:44

Okay.